Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and some of the responses given by insightful witnesses:

• Q: "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

• Q: "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

• Q: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

• Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
  A: "No."
  Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
  A: "No."
  Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
  A: "No."
  Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
  A: "No."
  Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
  A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
  Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
  A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

• Q: "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

• Q: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

• Q: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

• Q: "How many times have you committed suicide?"

• Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
  A: "Yes."
  Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

• Q: "She had three children, right?"
  A: "Yes."
  Q: "How many were boys?"
  A: "None."
  Q: "Were there any girls?"

• Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
  A: "Yes."
  Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

• Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
  A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
  Q: "And you took your new wife?"

• Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
  A: "By death."
  Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"

• Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
  A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
  Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"

• Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
  A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

• Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
  A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

• Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
  A: "Oral."

• Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
  A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
  Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
  A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

• Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
  A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

• Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
  A: "I have been since early childhood."

• Q: "Did he kill you?"